I Didn’t Know Motherhood Would Be Like This
Some of us have dreamed of becoming mothers for many years, even decades. There was just something that called us to the path of raising babies. We had the Pinterest board of parenting tips, family holiday traditions, nursery designs, maternity photos, baby products, and more. We thought about it often and couldn’t wait to begin the journey of motherhood. Our sweet baby is born and we head into the realities of becoming a mom. Our hearts may have been filled with fear, excitement, nervousness, joy, sadness, and even more complex emotions. Then it hits us… this isn’t what I expected.
Your partner and you are struggling.
You’re so foggy and fatigued you aren’t even sure what time it is or even what day it is.
Breastfeeding is coming with more challenges than originally anticipated.
The house is a disaster.
Your family and friends are all texting and all want to come over.
It feels like the baby is always crying.
You’re filled with tremendous anxiety and fear.
How do you even work this dang fancy carseat and stroller and baby wrap?
The tears.
The mom rage.
The mom guilt.
The google spirals at 3am.
Oh yeah, the newborn photos. Book those.
It’s time to think about going back to work.
Decisions about childcare.
Don’t forget all the baby advice and how none of it seems to work.
……Did I mention the fatigue yet???
Mama, I see you. I hear you. I have been you and I am still you in many ways.
How come motherhood isn’t all we dreamed of?
I hate to rain on anyone’s parade, but the Instagram mommy photos are just a highlight reel and motherhood is a real life journey. When I say real, I mean, it brings out things in us and in our partners we never knew existed-both good and bad. So here might be a few reasons it’s not what we thought:
You may have idealized or fantasized motherhood through external sources (i.e. Disney, other people’s highlight reel on social media, limited interactions/experiences with other kids and/or family where everyone seemed happy).
You may have over planned or under prepared. Knowledge is power! It is also a double edged sword when you're “momming.” Too much knowledge and information can cause more anxiety. Think helicopter mom mode…”must keep baby safe from any and everything, even if it means never letting anyone hold or care for my baby but me.”
Stress/burnout. This is a whole topic of it’s own, but hear me when I say- “You cannot do ALL the things mamas. Something has to give sometimes.”
You’re having trouble asking for help or when you do ask, it isn’t provided.
The help you have asked for, maybe isn’t the actual help you need. “Hold the baby so I can clean,” feels a whole lot different than, “clean the house so I can relax and bond with my baby.”
You may be living out of alignment with your values or you may not even know what your values are now that you're a mom.
You feel isolated. It 1000% takes a village to raise a child and a mama. You need a support system. Point. Blank.
Your hormones are out of whack. Well of course they are! You just had a baby and your estrogen and progesterone levels are literally the lowest they will ever be in your life during the early weeks of postpartum (aside from post-menopause) and prolactin drops somewhere around 4-6 months. And when you stop breastfeeding you experience a drop in Oxytocin. All of which are correlated with mental health and energy levels. Leading me to the next possibility…
You are experiencing “baby blues,” or postpartum mood disorders such as depression, anxiety, OCD, bi-polar, or other perinatal mental health disorder.
Please know you are not alone. 1 in 5 mom’s experience postpartum depression. Seeking help can feel hard, scary, and overwhelming, but for that reason accessible resources are available. Reach out today or find resources HERE.
And mama’s, you’ve got this. You are not alone in this motherhood journey. It may not be the social media highlight reel motherhood you dreamed of, but if you are loving your babies and also taking care of you, then that’s a win in my book.
